twenty4

Hey mate, it’s been a year and I never changed! STILL the same with my studies and my thoughts. What a failure right? Trust me, I’m trying… but destructed. As I welcome 2018, I made a promise that I will do good in my studies and take it seriously; that I will not waste any cents of my tuition fee. (another promise,right?) that really made to be broken. I’m so disappointed but I also told myself that there will be no negative vibes and this year is my year. (I’m still claiming it[wrote this on my planner]) hehe. Bad recit? Okay, forget it, it’s normal, just redeem yourself next time. Failed midterms? Your fault, perfect your Finals. Heartstrong and Happy happy is also my mantra (TY ATENEO!) Promised myself that I won’t dwell on the past anymore. (WOW) YOLO and just go with the flow. So yeah, I’m 24 already?? Weh, di nga? I still can’t believe it! Haha a bit sad cause uy ang tanda ko na? I still dont have ipon and this means I really need to become a lawyer to compensate for all those years that I should’ve been working. Though I can work I just don’t want to. Uhmm? Joke. I really can’t! Hahah!Cause duhh my brain! Hahaha! This year I will be wiser! Will write here everyday? that’s for sure! Or sa planner. Hahah! Will live my life to the fullest! I’ll never be afraid to take chances. I’ll be a better person and won’t waste every second of my life. Hahah OA teh! I will commit to my studies.,skin care,Physical activities and diet. Hahahha! Ang dami pala? Will save money for my business and build a better relationship to my customers. (so help me God) I’ll read books (not law books naman syempre) I’ll try to eat to all restaurants in BGC. (Always open for something new) Adventure. (If my money permits me) Hahaha! Go out at least once a week. (Tita vibes) Need over want. (Sana) Don’t waste money (yeah?) Meet new people.(please) Be friendly. (Hindi pa ba?) Always reply. Don’t leave the person hanging.(Promise na talaga) Learn something new and talk with sense. Hahaha!(Seriously) Less chismis (wag naman natin biglain) Hahhaa! Choose to love. (weh?) and the most important, walang halong plastic. Live according to God’s plan. I love you Lord, Thank You for everything and sorry for hurting You. I promise to be a better person. Better version of me. Just guide me, Lord God. I love you!

P.S.

Pahingi po ng lovelife, please? I’m happy with my life but kahit konting kilig lang po oh! Hehe. But I trust your timing, Lord. Your plan over my plan. Always.

 

 

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No progress

After 5 months of doubting myself as I turned 23, here I am still struggling to get that law degree. 5 months since I told myself that I will focus on my studies, that I won’t skip classes, 5 months since I made a promise that I will face my fears. And yes, I guess I’m just good at making promises. I didn’t change. I’m still a failure, I still chose not to attend class to be safe for the recitation, to not feel embarassed, to avoid that feeling when you have the shitty recit, to not experience standing in 2 hrs or more under humiliation, I’m still thinking of what my classmates would say as well as what they think. I don’t want to be that “weakest slash bobo person in class” I don’t want them to look down on me. Because of these fears and being pessimistic guess what… I failed all my 2nd year subjects. </3 these really made me feel down but I know I have no right to be sad because I chose this. I chose not to study, I chose social media over books, I chose not to try, and most of all I chose to do nothing than to learn something. This is really hard because I don’t know how to tell this to my family who just know that I’m doing well in this journey especially to my brother who’s supporting me from the start. I cannot tell them that I just wasted my 1 year in law school, I just wasted my brother’s money, I’m not anymore a regular student,and that I will not be a lawyer on the year 2020. This is really hard because I don’t want to disappoint them, but I just did and it sucks!

2enty.3

March 14, 2017. It’s been 23 years of my existence in this world.  twenty fuckin three of not knowing what is my purpose  and why am I still here trying to finish my law degree, chasing my dream, thinking that I will get through this even though I’m having a hard time understanding the law, put all the information in my brain cells, answering in recitations, getting high grades in exams and passing all my subjects every semester.  yeah my life revolve around law school. reading. procrastinating. cramming. crying. doubting. hoping. praying. fighting. Our Professor once told us that pursuing law is like courting the one you love. You is the one who’s courting and law is the one you love. Because in courting, you will do anything for the one you love. But not all the time you should pursue the one you love/law if you know to yourself that you don’t have the ability or the aptitude that the love/law needs. “If you want to be a lawyer you need to burn the midnight lamp.”  and yes, all the time, I feel that my brain’s not working and I just feel dumb but it won’t stop me.  A hardworking man is better than a smart man. As I turned 23 I’m leaving all the negative vibes in me. I will trust God and myself along this journey. I will never be absent just to be safe for recitation. And I will start to discipline myself from using social medias instead of feeding my brain.